Tue, Jul. 6th, 2004, 10:47 pm
I am very bored right now. Ummmm... not much has been going on in my life. This past weekend (4th of July) I went to Lake Wallenpaupack with my family, and Allexx came with, which was very heppifying. The weather was BEAUTIFUL the entire time, even though it was meant to thunderstorm or something. We had a campfire and turned off all the lights, and there were so many stars in the sky, until the full moon came up. It was amazing. We went on several fun boat rides, and had some exciting Sea-Doo excursions. Then we went out on the lake to watch fireworks which only lasted about 15 minutes, which was lame, but they were really cool while they lasted.
Now I'm very sore from riding the sea-doo and I am realizing just how out of shape I am getting. I need to start running or working out... or both.
I still haven't gotten paid, but I think we got things straightened out, and I should be getting a paycheck upwards of $500 soon. YAY!
It's summer again, and I'm starting to shrink back into my shell. I'm coming in close contact with very few people, and I'm getting less and less social. I don't like it. I'm getting like I was before... unable to talk to anyone I didn't know at all. I feel bad because there's people I talk to every once in a while, and every time I do I think "I should talk to them more, they're a cool person" and then I don't. I just let it slip. If they talk to me, cool, but I never go out of my way or initiate a conversation or anything. I'm starting to just let life happen again, and that's why I got depressed before. I have to do something, but I don't know what. When I try to talk to people, I suddenly have absolutely nothing to say. When I want to hang out with people, I can't think of anything other than going to a movie... which is fun, but not exactly social. I'm just sitting around waiting for other people to have good ideas, and... I don't know. A good night's sleep followed by a day with Allexx should make me feel better. (a bad night's sleep followed by 5 minutes with Allexx would work too)
Wed, Jun. 23rd, 2004, 12:40 am
Alright, I'm sick of this. I'm just going to come out and say it where the whole world can read it.
I LOVE ALLEXX ATKINS!!
I didn't really know what love was until I met her. Of course, I love my family, but that's different. That's more, "I've lived with them for so long, and they're an unremoveable part of my life." It's different with Allexx. It's not just a mushy, romantic, "twitterpated" love. I love who she is. I want to do whatever I can to make her truly happy. I want to spend the rest of my life making her happy. I can be myself around her in a way I can with very few people. She has brought so much love and happiness into my life. Before I met Allexx, I didn't know God. I knew about God, I know who He was. But I didn't know Him. Now I love God. It was her pure, overwhelming love for Him and for the religion that inspired me.
Allexx, I know you probably won't ever read this, but I love you.
Purple Monkey Dishwasher... a phrase that's thrown around too much these days. But what does it really mean? What arcane secrets (I know, that's kinda redundant) lie hidden within these three simple words? Well, now's your chance to find out! What it means is that I really have nothing to say right now. My life is very boring at the moment, and I have nothing to write here. You might as well just go away right now. Right... now!
...You're still here, aren't you? Why? Just leave! Oh fine, I'll try to find something to talk about. Ummmm... well, 19th of June last night was quite enjoyable. We had beatiful weather, and cool people. Robin, Erik and I traipsed through the basement of the Cathedral. (People just don't traipse enough these days) I also rolled down the hill, which brought many fond memories, and I ran, slipped, and tumbled down the hill, which brought many sore muscles. Once it got dark, Allexx, Alison and I strolled slowly around and through the cathedral, then sat and chilled by the garden. Cool people like Jordan showed up, and there was much rejoicing.
Work is no different from normal: boring work; fun people (mostly); and a fair amount of money.
Now, I'm sure by this point, no one is reading anymore, so I don't have to worry about people reading this...
Christopher Waelchli is a fuck-tard. When I was filling out my BACON app., I had a form that needed to be filled out and sent in by my mentor. This, unfortunately, was the aforementioned fuck-tard. So, about a month before the end of school, I asked him to fill it out. He agreed. Skip forward to a week after graduation. I get something in the mail from BACON. Maybe it's my acceptance letter! Nope, it was a copy of the form and a note saying that they didn't have it filled out. So I call up Mr. Fuck-tard and ask him to fill it out for me. "of course" he says "just put my name on it, and put it on Mrs. Roscoe's desk. I do so. Now, almost a month later, I find out that they still have nothing from him. And I would have no clue if I didn't happen to work in the College, where someone mentioned it in passing. I HATE MR. WAELCHLI!
And just so everyone stops asking me, I am NOT going to Maple. I want to, but there were scheduling issues, and I still owe my parents $1000 from the Italy trip.
Sat, Jun. 5th, 2004, 09:29 pm
I went to see Shrek 2 last night. It was HILARIOUS. I think this is the first time I have seen a worthwhile sequel (other than movies like Star Wars, where a sequel was planned from the beginning). It also meant fun hanging out time with cool people, including some I haven't seen in months. The ride home after the movie, however, was somewhat less enjoyable.
Because a lot of people were coming, I had to take our van, which is a bitch to drive. The gas pedal and the brakes are both more sensitive than I'm used to, not to mention the size. Also, the passenger side mirror is broken right now, which made changing lanes on Roosevelt Boulevard very interesting. On top of this, one of my contacts came out at the movie, so I had to drive home with somewhat less than perfect depth perception. Also, one of the people HAD to be home by 11:30. A minute late would mean grounded for at least a month, and I had given her my word that she would get home on time. The movie took longer than I thought it would, because of previews, and I wasn't sure if I could get her home on time, so I was slightly frantic. (I ended up getting her home at 11:10, which made me feel kind of stupid for driving really fast.) Because I was driving fast, certain people felt unsafe (for which I am really sorry) and everyone was yelling about something or other. After all this, I was accused of doing it for fun, and to scare people, which is about as far from the truth as you can get. Oh well, at least it was a really good movie.
Wed, Jun. 2nd, 2004, 07:48 pm
I got bored with the way my journal looked before, which I never really liked in the first place. Now I am much more pleased with it, and will (hopefully) update more often.
Let's see, first things first. Summer is FUN! Much fun good times were had by all at my lakehouse, especially with Lydia and Allexx there. (Allexx is fast becoming a part of the family herself, which is really really cool) I do miss all my cool dormie friends, especially the furry ones, and the ones I'm related to. (Allexx is right, most of my relatives are really cool people.) Speaking of extended family, work is awesome! (And that does make sense, becuase my boss, Scott Frazier, also happens to be my cousin. He is definitely in the awesome section of extended family.) Almost all the people there are really cool too, and a bit insane, although that goes without saying if you have taken at least two years of Latin, and then willingly accepted a job that involves Latin. There are much good happy times; arguing with Bin-Bin, insulting (and being insulted by) a certain Blair Smith, talking about how great Glenns are with Anna and Scott, reminiscing about 3rd year Latin with Becky, joking with Megan... and there's that other person.
I almost forgot! I QUIT COFFEE! I have now been clean for over a week. And you know what? IT SUCKS! I can't focus, I'm cranky, I get headaches all the time. AND my dad just bought an espresso maker for out family. My entire family is walking around drinking cappucinos and espressos, and all I can do is smell it. The only caffiene I have is the occasional Coke or Dr. Pepper. Why am I doing this, you might ask. Well, for one thing, it got to the point where I had to have at least a thermos of strong, black coffee every morning, and often a Red Bull at night. This got somewhat expensive, with Red Bulls at $1.99 a pop. Mostly, though, it's just to prove that I can do it, that I'm NOT completely dependent on some drug. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to last though. Today was only the second day I've had to wake up early, and I'm already starting to crack. Oh well. If I go insane or explode or something, Allexx can have all my stuff.
Sat, Apr. 24th, 2004, 01:16 am
I'm beat. I'm drained. I'm burnt out. Today has been a long day - the baseball game was a joke... I can't find it in me to care any more... or I do care, but I can't make myself do anything about it. I kept writing for a while here, but I decided not to post it, because it got too personal.
Please don't try to make me feel better about myself. I am getting to know myself, and this is all stuff I have to go through. I garuntee you that by the time you read this, I will feel fine, and feel kind of silly for writing all this.
Sat, Apr. 17th, 2004, 11:36 am
When in Rome...
The rules of the game: Ask Ethan any three questions, and he will answer them as truthfully as possible*
The prize: You want a prize?!? Isn't prize enough to have the privilege of knowing more about the secret life of yours truly? To be that much closer to knowing what true greatness and genius is? Oh, alright, you can have a cookie.
*Answers such as "I don't want to talk about it" are truthful, and therefore perfectly legitimate.
Sat, Apr. 10th, 2004, 10:13 pm
Time to dust off the old LJ account, thanks to Erik. (not that there's any point, really. I don't think anyone reads this shit)
Anyways, it's Easter break, and I didn't realize quite how badly I needed this. There's been way too much stress, with not nearly enough sleep. Just in the past couple of days, I feel completely rejuvenated. Mostly because I've been hanging out with Allexx and other really cool people.
I still can't quite believe we've been going out for more than a year. And the way things are going, it's going to last a while longer still. She has something about her that is so exciting, but at the same time, I'm only at complete and utter peace when I am with her. We've both grown so much since we met, but we've grown together, not apart.
In the past few months, I've been having epiphany upon epiphany. Just the other night, I had an epiphany about epiphanies. It's always something I've known on an intellectual level, but not known as part of myself. Then something happens, and it's suddenly so much more real. It's like the difference between knowing about a person, and actually knowing a person.
One such epiphany was about my depressedness. I think I can't do anything right, so I don't try. Then I look back at the wasted time and get depressed. When I'm depressed, I think I can't do anything right. It's a circle, and by giving myself things to do, I'm starting to break out of it. I have been taught my entire life that we are truly happy when we are being useful, but it has never been real for me before.
Sat, Feb. 21st, 2004, 02:22 am
I feel so fucking alive. I don't know what it is, but I feel GREAT! It's almost 2:30 in the morning, and I feel like I could go for hours. My mind is speeding, but it's all smooth, it's not confusing, like normal. Everything is running smoothly. I watched High Fidelity, a hilarious, insightful movie. I walked out of the house, into the cloudy, cool, moist, silent night. As I stepped up to my car, a single rain drop hit my face, and I smiled. Uncontrollably. I don't know why. It was an amazing night, just hanging out with good friends, being comfortable. I feel WONDERFUL. Not once was I worrying about school, or Italy, or what I'm going to be. I didn't have to worry about anything, because I found something more important than that. I have found people who I know, who know me, who I can be myself around and have fun. I... don't know how to end this. I never do. So I'm just going to stop...now.
Sun, Jan. 18th, 2004, 10:19 pm
I HATE SENIOR PROJECT. It's a great idea, learn about something you love. But then, they make a blanket format that you have to try to force your subject into. So, by choosing a topic that I actually care about, I have made it worse. Now I have to try to force something I love into a form that I hate. I can't focus at all, and I can't force myself to care about any part of the class. I'm already way behind everyone else, and I still have no clue how I'm actually going to get through this class. And if I try to drop the class (it's a little late for that now) or get below a 90 in it, my Dad's going to get pissed at me.
Reading back over this, I realize how immature it sounds, and that makes me even more frustrated. FUCK!